So, your suspicions turned out to be true, and he really deceived you. You knew it somewhere deep inside, but you prayed that this would not happen.
Now you have proof, and he admitted it and apologized and told you that he really wants to marry you, and that this will not happen again. He promises.
Should you believe him? Do you have to go out? Can you ever trust him?
It is up to you and you alone
Your friends and family have many opinions on this topic, and we are happy to tell you what to do. Everyone seems to know what to do, unless you have to make decisions and take consequences.
No one knows the future, and no one knows for sure if anyone else can be trusted. I'm sorry I have no news, but this is true.
It is very important that you have something that you can do without waiting for what you can control. You already know that you cannot control your husband (or you should know this). So the only thing you can control is your own behavior and your own actions.
Feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness
Many people who have been cheated by their spouses feel powerless and hopeless, and feel that “nothing will never be the same,” and that “I thought I could trust, and now my whole world is turned upside down.”
If you take a moment and think about it, you will see that both of these reactions have the seed of hope and power.
People and the world are constantly changing, constantly, and the only thing you can really rely on is a constant change, which all people experience all the time.
In other words, your hope and strength depend on your awareness, preparation, and action on what you can control, in other words, on you.
How to save a marriage when your husband cheated on you
You must take four steps to save your marriage right now. I call these steps “LOVE”, which is an acronym. “L” for like; “O” - for openness; “V” is the meaning; and "E" - to encourage.
like
Find out what you like about your husband. Now why you love him, but why he likes you.
Write down ten things you really like about your husband.
Keep them in a visible place, because you will need to contact them often in days, weeks, and months in advance.
To be open
You had a role in your husband who had an affair. If you do not believe that at least a little, there is no reason to stay with him and have a relationship!
Relationship is a two-way street, never in one direction. So write down the ten ways in which you contributed to his dealings. I know cruel medicine, but if you do not, you will never learn from this incident and return to powerlessness and hopelessness.
Writing value
People stay together as friends, lovers and spouses, primarily because of one thing: the value they receive from others. If you do not get value, you can help in a relationship or probably should.
You might want to pounce on your husband and probably already have one. Naturally, but this is not going anywhere. He is just terrible, and so will be.
A much better way is to say: “I want to be part of what we are going from here.” Write down ten things that you feel you can do to add value to relationships and marriage that you have not done so far.
encourage
What are your husband's interests in life? Encourage him to follow them. Your inclination is likely to draw your attention to him and be less encouraging and possibly more burdensome.
This is a bad decision. The right decision, which really shows love, is to encourage your husband to be who he is and somehow reduce your expectations that he will be who you want him to be. The more you can encourage him to be himself, the more he will feel your love, respect and honor for him.
Take these four steps to help save the marriage. They will give you strength and hope.
